As lead singer and guitarist of the internationally renowned Souls of the Knight, Sawyer Knight is living a life most men can only dream of. He’s surrounded by music, fame, wealth, women throwing themselves at his feet. He has everything…
Yet he has nothing. Life as one of the world’s most sought after rock stars is tiring, oppressive and lonely. He spends every day being who the world wants him to be, who his manager tells him to be, who his mother expects him to be… all the while fighting against who he really is. Truth is, he’s used to it. He’s actually gotten pretty good at pretending… at living the lie. Until Jake Reed, his ex-best friend and the only person who’s ever made him ‘feel’, waltzes back into his life as the band’s new head of security. Jake wants Sawyer – always has, always will. Now, he just needs to get Sawyer to admit that he feels the same… “You will be mine, Sawyer Knight. The faster you try to run the quicker you’ll fall to your knees. Then, Sawyer… then you’ll be too weak to resist.”
Conversation was a little awkward at first. We stuck to ‘safe’ topics, talking about our childhood and everything leading up to – but not including - the last time we saw each other. Soon enough, the rich whiskey started taking effect, visibly relaxing him. Three shots in and I saw a genuine smile… not a forced one he’d only put on for my benefit. The curve of his lips illuminated his entire face, making his caramel eyes sparkle under the wisp of dark brown hair that couldn’t seem to keep itself from falling over his face.
“So, how are your parents?” I asked casually in an effort to keep the conversation flowing. I didn’t want this night to end.
“Jerry fucked off a few years back. He was our first manager before we got signed, got us a few gigs here and there… but then I found out he’d been knocking my mum around, so after beating the living shit out of him, I told him he either disappeared or I’d call the cops.”
“Jesus,” I barely whispered, shaking my head at the image he’d put in my mind. “How’s your mum now?”
“Good, last time I heard.”
“You don’t see her?”
“Not often. She doesn’t exactly approve of my lifestyle. Got to do what’s right by her church buddies, ya know.”
“Wow. Sorry, mate.” Sawyer shrugged casually, feigning indifference. His eyes told a different story though. Evident discomfort forced his eyebrows together slightly and when he blinked, it took his eyes a couple of seconds longer than necessary to open again. “So who do you go to when you need to escape all this shit?” I asked, motioning my hands around the opulence surrounding us.
“Elle,” he said simply. Just the sound of her name tugged on the corners of his lips, making him smile.
“Maths girl?” I already knew the answer. The whole world knows about Elle Wilson – best friend and possible secret girlfriend of the hottest singer this decade has ever seen.
“Yeah,” he agreed, still smiling as he nodded. “After you… left,” he started to explain, the word ‘left’ cracking on his lips. “I spent more and more time with her. She helped me with my maths, gave me her old papers to study, that kind of shit. I still fucking failed,” he added with yet another smile. I liked Elle already. So far, she’s the only person who seems to make Sawyer happy. “But seriously, she’s the only person who’s ever been there for me. If it weren’t for her… I don’t think I’d have survived this life very long.”
“Sounds lonely,” I said, picking my glass up from the table and taking another sip of whiskey. The burn ceased after the second glass, and so now, four glasses in, the rich liquid trickled smoothly down my throat like silk. “Are you lonely, Sawyer?”
His eyes widened just slightly and he stuttered on his response. I stared intently into his eyes, trying to catch a glimpse of his soul hiding behind them. I could almost see the debate taking place in his mind – whether to be honest with me, or lie.
“No. Course not.” He went for the option of lying. “I’m surrounded by people every day.”
“But they don’t know you,” I stated cautiously, the end of my sentence coming out slightly higher as if it were a question. “Not the real you.”
“How the fuck would you know? You don’t know me,” he spat. The anger in his voice halted the rhythm of my heart for a brief second while I considered what I was doing. I should back off. I should be professional and keep a safe personal distance. I should apologise for riling him.
But I knew immediately I wasn’t going to do any of those things. Despite what he might think right now, I do know Sawyer Knight – the real one. I grew up with him, I loved him… I still love him. We might have spent the last ten years apart but I’ve never stopped following him. I’ve watched his career go from strength to strength. I’ve studied him in interviews, TV appearances and even went to watch him play when the band’s last tour landed in Australia. Each time I watched him I was drawn to his eyes, and not once had I ever seen the sparkle in them that I used to fantasise over as a teenager. He never smiles – not genuinely. He never talks about his private life. Never discusses himself unless prompted, and even then the discomfort is evident by the slight squirm of his body.
Sawyer is hiding from the world.
He’s hiding from himself.
And I’m going to find him.
~*Review by Vanessa*~
I rated Being Sawyer FOUR LEAVES!
I loved Nicola’s other series and this book is right along with it. I really enjoy reading her books because she seems to bring out issues that are relatable and the execution of them is amazing. This book was very heart wrenching because it deals with the topic of realizing its okay to be true to your heart no matter what anyone says. Sawyer Knight is a hot rock star with tons of fans especially the women; sleeping with an endless amount to prove something he doesn’t want to admit. Jake, the ex-best friend of Sawyer comes back as the security guard for the band because they have been receiving death threats and Sawyer is not prepared for the intense attraction that he still carries for Jake even after all these years. Jake has never gotten over his love for his best friend from all those years ago and knew that no matter what happened, he would get Sawyer to realize who he is but can he get him to finally admit and accept it? Little by little Sawyer gives into the pushy Jake until finally Sawyer can no longer fight his heart and knows without a doubt he’s gay and in love with his best friend. This however is only one of many hurdles Sawyer has to go through in this book until he is truly happy. I don’t want to give away anything else but this is one of my favorites. I loved the characters and loved how accepting they all were. Another great story for Haken!
~*About the Author*~
I'm a writer of New Adult, contemporary and m/m erotic romance. I'm a married mum of four (six if you include the dogs!) from the UK and can usually be found with a Kindle or MacBook in front of my face, or carrying out housewife/mother/all round slave duties. I'm a little bit mental and a whole lot of crazy with bordering on unhealthy addictions to tattoos, Pepsi Max and the CockyBoys! ;-)